sometimes people just confuse me. today i was looking at the elissa memorial. apparently, she was more well-liked when compared to the other people that died. then i see someone had made some rememberelissa.org. why? it confuses me. wont having a complete site dedicated to her death just remind everyone of her? no matter what the people do, she wont come back. so wont all the dedication and memorial stuff just bring bad memories and make this world an even sadder place?

eh.

sorry to those i may have offended.

yay. i broke 1000 fluid ounces of dr pepper today. its time to celebrate by buying another 1000 fluid ounces! yay.

star9 testing makes me sick. literally. i think im dying from another attack of disease. little bacteria attacking away at me. im going to fall apart. my heart is going to stand still. the little bacteria will conquer my body and be happy. they will have a celebration.

eisbrecher is a cool band. megaherz is cool. and so is rammstein.

hey (your name here), i wrote a song for you.
it was called yellow.

in german, angst means fear. weird.

today was interesting. STAR 9 testing. science questions didn't even have science. if you want to build a house, who do you call?. hm. taxi driver. first period i had nothing to do. i went online. i found a cool website about ways to commit suicide.. but then its kind of inappropriate to post it after suicide. sorry. sad. oh well.

My will. your court
Dark and gloomy the face
My lie in your gaze
You come with sorrow
and I'm not coming back

sometimes i wonder if life is real. what if everyone is in a coma and dreams forever. what if someone lives their whole life and then realizes it was just a dream. what a disappointment. or what if someone is having the happiest time of their life ever, and then they wake up. like what happens in most dreams. and then some things in life just happen to make no sense at all. they only seem like things that would happen in dreams. life is a dream.

when a person dies, who do people mourn for? do they mourn for the person that died? that person is dead. they are gone and nothing can undo it. a person is only really mourning for themselves. they are the one that is sad they will never see the dead person again. they are sad that they can never talk or enjoy life with that person again. so.. cheer up. life continues. until death. then accept it.

my addition to this post is that im sorry that it is blunt. but that is my writing style and i meant it in a good way. so dont hate me because of this post, please.

hacked and slashed is what happened to my hair today. apparently, i had so much hair that the barber had to cut my hair in layers. and then she said if it was longer then she would have charged double. bah. long hair to short hair in 20 minutes. its so nice and airy. and swimming will be easier. but i feel sad. my hair is gone.

i added a new reality sucks.

why do the news trucks stay in front of our school for the whole day without doing anything? they just sit there and do nothing. its annoying. just because some girl tried to commit suicide failed and some alumni was killed in iraq after giving up a multimillion career in football. bah. so the news trucks have to come and sit in front of the school. whole day. still sitting there now. annoying. leland is going to be a famous school. bad year.

i know i have not updated anything on this site for a long time. i just dont feel like it. i dont feel like it because in 29 days now, everything will be deleted and i will want to find a new server. then i have to upload. so i dont want to make anything. i dont want to make a movie because as you can see, it will take time to make a page two. and i have another layoutish thing that some have seen. there are many unfinished flashes that i have started. but never completed because they are too.. dull. i get sparks of ideas, then like sparks, they just die off because they cant start a fire. so in my fire analogy, no sparks have ever made it to the pine needles to be burnt up and start a massive conflagration of destruction. because ideas aren't easy to think of. and my mind is dull. i think i have hit the max of all ideas, so no more movies will be good after now. i declare this. and to celebrate, i show you a new collection series thing of mine. i call it reality sucks. for no apparent reason. i got this idea from explodingdog.com and i was drawing on a photo and eventually did it for a few of them. so now, just for amusement, i release these low effort drawings in the place of any other sort of movie update.

my hair is long. it blinds me now, when i swim. hair swings everywhere. its evil. but its cool. hair is cool. im now a nonconformist. with my nonconforming longer hair, i can do so many random things to my hair. i can let it tangle up for the hell of it because its so hard to make free of knots, and eventually ill have dreadlocks! uneven dreadlocks! or i could spike it, and they will be like a foot high!. or i can just cut it. but i dont want to.

how to dress emo

its a hilarious site. black converses!!!

"Before you worry about how you are going to change how you act in "real life", you must change your "internet life" first. Erase your PunkPrincess182 screen name and change it to something a bit sadder. Such as xsadxstarx. If you need help, a handy emo screen name generator can be found here.

With your emo screen name in place, you must type emo. Example:

this.is.an.example.of.typing.emo..this.kind.is.mostly.used.on.websites. &we cant forget about this kind. &thiskindwhichisannoyingasfucktoread. tYpInG LiKe ThIs iS nOt TyPiNg eMo. That's just typing retarded."


according to that emo generator, my name is dismal for sorrow.

eh, weird dreams. i get really weird dreams when i get sick. the night i got my fever sickness, i had a strange dream about meteor showers. it was a dream where there was this crazy meteor shower, and then everyone was there watching. and trying to catch the pieces or something. suddenly aliens came and took over the world. then things were exploding and crazy stuff. then i woke up. coughing. and hacking. and dying. and freezing. yet burning. because fevers are weird. the temperature goes up, but then one feels cold. weird. then yesterday, i had a dream about the roske presentation today. the one where everyone had to dress up all formal and stuff. in my dream, i forgot my dress clothing, and i was running around insanely looking to borrow someone else's. then suddenly, i was swimming. which confuses me. my dreams have no transition. which is like the bean trees. each chapter starts off with something completely random. it is like years passed between each chapter. like on ch 9, it just starts with 'esperanza tried to kill herself'. which has nothing to do with the chapter before, which was about tortoises mating. weird.

during this break, ive had a bunch of psychotic dreams about school. mostly about swimming and bergantz's class. some about english, some about chem. none about math. now that break is over. i hope that these dreams will stop. they scared me a lot this break. random dreams such as art history project stuff. my dreams are weird. maybe now, ill dream about summer break.

isn't it ironic that the most emo people in the world have girlfriend boyfriend relationships? doesn't their music teach them that the opposite gender is evil? doesn't that music always sing about heartbrokenness from being left? and yet, they still non-conform with what they conform to. the non-conformity is endless.

what!? todays the last day of spring break!? how could they. oh no. oh no. bang bang.

whenever i put my playlist on shuffle. it seems to like to favor songs that i dont like. songs like final fantasy x-2's pop sounds. and it always seems to choose the ataris's "the last song i will ever write about a girl". that song. and. never the good korn. always the crap korn. bah. never rammstein. never megaherz. its not fair. the shuffle is biased!. i sue..

f a t s h e e p1: im going to get a phd
f a t s h e e p1: in janitorial supplies

phntmguaifenesin: you know email scams... there's this one scam
phntmguaifenesin: "I'm lost in space... i need your money to get back!"
phntmguaifenesin: people actually fell for that one

kill bill 2 is hilarious.
really it is.
the random long conversations.
the asian guy.
the eye ball ripping out.
it made it funny.
what an interesting 5 hit move thing.
my heart exploded.

plus i found an error in the movie.
the car didn't turn around.

its fun walking into hot topic wearing normal clothing. people stare because you are normal.

JermRiddled: here's a traditional blink 182 song
JermRiddled: hey i broke up with my girlfriend
JermRiddled: and now
JermRiddled: i hang out with my dog
JermRiddled: and watch tv
JermRiddled: and skate with my friends
JermRiddled: YEAH SKATE WITH M FRIENDS
JermRiddled: I SKATE WITH M FRIENDS

D0nk 3X: nina hagen and britney spears should collaborate

ella enchanted. is the most. weird. random. silly. stupid its so funny. movie ever.
someone must have told her to 'go die' sometime in her life. then the story would have been much shorter. and funnier.
because of sarah lee. me and about 4 other people were forced to watch this movie.
and from this movie, i learned a few things.
one - black people always screw everything up. the fairy in this movie was black and she caused the problem. plus, in the previews, the male model that fell was black.
two - be a non-conformist. ella was a non-conformist and she got all the best things at the end.
three - giants have manly voices. even the females.
and that is all.
but i do admit. the ending was pretty hilarious. some random musical with lipsyncing.
i want my $6.75 back. sarah owes me.

i was going to buy rammstein's "live aus berlin" dvd. but i couldn't find it. my collection will never be complete!. im sad. just that dvd. and i will have all rammstein albums and dvds. and 1 bootleg. and then after that. im going to get all the rammstein singles. only 19 singles! and about 16 are European only. sad day.

then if i ever finish that. ill go for all the ayumi hamasaki cds! so far i have six! out of 8. and one remix album out of her... 14 remix albums. then ill go for her singles. which is nearing 45. it will be 45 or so in a few weeks. evil.

i went fishing today. i was the only person that caught something. it wasn't even seaweed! it was a starfish or sea star. depending on which way you like to call those things. they aren't fish. but sea star sounds stupid. and if you combine them, its starfish, or sea fish. first one already is proved to be nonsense and sea fish is too broad and dumb. thats all. so starfish it is. or not.

great swim practice! 8 people showed up. just enough for one person per lane! yea! horrible.

sometimes i set my playlist on random. and let fate decide which song i want to listen to. its building a bridge of chance for the many different bands. i believe in destiny. however, sometimes the random music suddenly chooses something like some final fantasy x chanting. so then i have to intervene with destiny and change my fate. life is like that. not really. but if you try to connect it hard enough, it will eventually be similar.

nothing is really random. everything is a system. if there is a set of random numbers, the equation for the numbers can always be found. therefore, nothing in this world is random. there is a reason. so everything is rigged! unless the set is a set of infinite numbers. then there is no possible equation for all the numbers. and therefore its truly random. but nothing is truly infinite. all things stop at a certain point. so everything is not random. or nothing is random. the end.

what a cool comp
Vulcan Flipstart

JermRiddled: The sharks lost
JermRiddled: and it's your fault
JermRiddled: YOU ASSHOLE
azN xrE taRD BOI: sorry
JermRiddled: it's okay abe
azN xrE taRD BOI: ill make it up to you
JermRiddled: oh really?
azN xrE taRD BOI: yea
azN xrE taRD BOI: ill make them win
JermRiddled: how?
azN xrE taRD BOI: uh
azN xrE taRD BOI: ill shoot the other team
azN xrE taRD BOI: make them go emo
JermRiddled: ahahaha
JermRiddled: that would be so awesome
JermRiddled: then
JermRiddled: in the game
JermRiddled: they're all nonconfrontational
JermRiddled: they don't want to check

i went to the beach today. i was expecting cool ocean breeze with wonderful ocean smell. instead i get foaming water washing dead clams up and the rotting crab. wonderful it was.

there was a traffic jam at the place i went. it turned out some suv was flipped and there was a shooting. there was a bunch of police with bullet proof armor and sniper rifles. it was interesting. so today i got to take part in a shooting! yay!

i watched mtv's best 90's music thing. korn got 4th place! and limp bizkit got 3rd. disgusting. nirvana got first. kurt cobain is left handed.

on my way home, my sister just had to put in her all-american rejects cd. so i was stuck for over 1 hour on the car listening to her sad depressing emo stupid music. it almost made me want to find a rope so i could swing on it... by the neck.

azN xrE taRD BOI: are you going to play wc3?
yi san san qi: I can if you want
azN xrE taRD BOI: lets go
yi san san qi: Don't wait
yi san san qi: This night's almost over
yi san san qi: Honest
yi san san qi: let's make
yi san san qi: This night last forever
yi san san qi: and ever

soapy smells make me feel nauseas. i went with my dad to go buy some wood and metal junk. i came back with a slice on my hand and dirt everywhere. i washed my hands with soap and now they smell insanely bad. i dislike soap. soap is evil.

I LOVE 500s!!!!!
and i love this class.
thankfully i have this webdesign class.
so i can get out of swim practice!
10 500s!
yay.
i only did 7!
bye.

spring break begins.
and i am happy.
somewhat.

everyone of my entries in this blog turn out to be random crap with ambiguous meanings. it can be interpretted so many different ways. people can think of me of what i really am not. because this blog can give false illusions. it all depends on your own interpretation. so go be a individual and interpret yourself. find a meaning to each of my entries. there is no right or wrong. you are always wrong. because there is no meaning. and my posts never turn out the way i want them to.

get the new product from cafepress!
a psycho emo bunny!



perfect to go with your emo teddy bear!



look how happily they will go together!

go buy now!

NOWNOWNOWNOW!


yi san san qi: It looks cuter than the bear <3
azN xrE taRD BOI: get both
yi san san qi: EMO WEDDING

i watched a very interesting badminton game today. actually, only the practice. it was a massive gathering of asians. so many asians in one area at once. there was probably a density higher than the density in china. crazy. people are good at badminton. and swim meet tomorrow.

i always pull off scabs too early because im weird like that. then they start bleeding again. and i have to wait until theres a new scab. and then i peel it off too quickly again. and then my wounds take forever to heal. and then i have scars because of this. i should let scabs fall off by themself.

Sometimes I try to do things, and it just don't turn out the way I wanted to and I get real frustrated, it's like, I take my time and I try real hard, but no matter what I do and no matter what I try it never works out, it's like I concentrate on it real hard, but it never works out, it's like I need some time to figure these things out, but there's always someone there going "Hey, you know, we been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately, you know, and like maybe you should talk about it, you'd feel a lot better." And I go "No, it's ok, I know I have some problems, I'll figure it out myself, just leave me alone I'll figure it out." And they go "Why don't you talk about it, you'll feel a lot better?" And I go "No, I don't want to, just leave me alone, I'll figure it out myself!" And they keep on bugging me and it builds up inside, it builds up inside...

it doesn't matter i'll probably get hit by a car anyway.

i'm not crazy. the rest of this world is.

the hot air balloon we made in roske's class didn't fly. im sad. my grade is killed.


ein kleine Herz: OMGOMG!
ein kleine Herz: I wrote it down in flag fours!
ein kleine Herz: I'll never be able to read the assignment now!
ein kleine Herz: gasp!

freaken. i started doing groupwork 16 for math. i got about halfway. until i realized they looked familiar. and i realized we were supposed to be doing 17. bah.

pah. i lost one hour of sleep because of daylight savings. then i had to go run around the house and change all the clocks. i hate clocks. but the coldplay song is interesting.

oh my gawd. im winding it. hee hee. im winding the clocks.

oh no. stupid daylight savings.

i read this interesting book that my dad brought home yesterday. it was a chinese with english translation comic book about evolution. it made some very interesting arguments for both sides. and since most people like evolution, ill be a non-conformist and post anti-evolution things.

if a creature has to go through slow mutations for it to have a new mechanism of survival, wont each step it takes be useless and be a waste?

and its been found that all animals were created at the cambrian period of time.

and national geographic photoshopped pictures to show that birds came from dinosaurs. if one looks at the real fossils. there are no feathers.

everyone knows that story about the black and white moths. about how the industrial revolution caused white moths to be unbalanced. its not evolution. they were both there to begin with. so it didn't evolve. one just died off.

same concept with those birds on the galapagos. they were all there. no one died off.

all those embryo pictures in science textbooks are all drawn out by a person. they were not real pictures and a person drew them from imagination to show evolution. just take a look at a bird embryo and a shark embryo. different.

another flawed argument:
if there is a God, then He can make all things perfect.
but He didn't.
so He doesn't exist.

did He have to make everything perfect?

it was an interesting book. i liked it.

i had swim meet. i belly flop on fly. it is loud. i swim backstroke 100. i got 2nd. even though i dont swim that much. i went to bathroom to release liquids. i hear 2 or 3 german guys talking in german. i understand some. they swear in german. it was interesting. i leave the bathroom. the end.

what kind of idiot creates an april fool's day. what lame idea is it? a day to play tricks on others. but why cant one just do that on any other day? instead it is reserved for april first. my theory is that some guy played a trick on another person and when questioned why he did that, he didn't have anything to have as an excuse and so he said it was 'april fool's day' and it turned out to be april 1st. and thats why it came into use. and now people cant trust others on this day. its all that person's fault. i could be lying, but you dont know. april fools is just an excuse to lie. and therefore, i can lie all i want. and no one can get me in trouble. because its april fools! bah. stupidity.

yi san san qi: Hey
yi san san qi: I'm going to kill myself.
yi san san qi: *bang!*
yi san san qi: JUST KIDDING
azN xrE taRD BOI: thanks for telling me
yi san san qi: APRIL FOOLS LOLOL