so apparently for this career thing that the school wants to give everyone, a personality test will help determine our future. so basically they are going to make us take some online quiz which will help us make decisions. strange. someone interpretting my personality will choose my job for me. i dont get it. because a person knows himself best. or something. people are whoever they want to be. because of power of suggestion. and some crazy psychological junk. and its all too much for me.

yay. school starts tomorrow. i love long breaks because they destroy brain cells. it just ends up hurting me. even though breaks can be nice. but nothing really happens. and boredom happens. and then nothing else happens. and then i go crazy and run around and wish i could do something. but i cant do anything. because there is nothing to do. and i just sit here. and deteriorate my body even more. on school days at least i get to walk to my classes. during breaks. im just sitting here. and dying.

i had a dream that i had a pet albatross. i think thats what it was. its like a huge seagull ish bird. and then it was my friend. and we went to lake tahoe and it was yellling and talking to me about how it hated the cold. and i was like. yay. i hate cold too. and then i woke up and realized i was freezing.

but whatever. i dont care.

d0Nk3X: i think it'd be fun to be friends with a dark templar
azN xrE taRD BOI: really.
d0Nk3X: cuz he brings a sword to school every day but no one sees it
d0Nk3X: and like
d0Nk3X: he's really a super hero
d0Nk3X: he has a cape and all
d0Nk3X: and his cousins are like
d0Nk3X: weather controllers
d0Nk3X: and drug dealers
d0Nk3X: i mean cmon
d0Nk3X: psi storms?
d0Nk3X: and hallucinations?
d0Nk3X: just giving everyone drugs so they see things
d0Nk3X: and then the dark templar goes in
d0Nk3X: and steals shit
d0Nk3X: cuz no one can see him

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

how cool. im on my way to become a crossdressing jrocker. only need to get rid of that 40% male.

last night, i ran and ran. in the dark. ran until it was day. kept running. running from nothing at all. just the urge to run and so i ran. i ran past school. i ran past almaden lake. ran past the highway. and i continued running. never stopped. never felt tired. the energy surged in my body. then something occurred to me. i haven't exercised in so long. this is almost. unreal. this could not be happening. then i woke up and realized how correct i was. so i could run no more.

i bet this korn falling apart was just a setup to get everyone to start listening to korn again. and then buy their cds. i bet Head never really left korn. and hes lying about how he now believes in a religion. cuz after i heard the news, i started listening to all those lovely songs and then suddenly, i felt the urge to get the greatest hits cd. because its so.. lovely. so its probably just made up stuff that korn is using to increase their downhill business.

requiem for a dream is the strangest movie ever. some girl wants to start some company, but she has no money. so she makes her boyfriend get money for her. so boy starts selling drugs and eventually gets addicted himself. this addiction gets his left arm all screwed up and all the vessels in his arm are like falling apart. the boy's mom is chosen to be on some game show, but shes fat. and she wants to wear some red dress, so she starts taking diet pills to fit in the red dress. she starts eating them every second and this has some effect on her mind. soon shes seeing the tv characters in her room and the refrigerator starts to attack her. theres much more drug addiction going on. and stuff happens. the boy starts to get angry and is like omfg stupid girl, why dont you get money yourself. and so eventually the girl becomes a prostitute and is getting money as quickly as the other drug dealers. the ending is sad because everyone just gets screwed up. i guess that was the point of the movie. whatever. it was a lovely movie. until it started getting nasty.

its strange how people define indie as its own music. because it just means its some little record label and no one really cares about them. but people still persist to call that band an indie band. and some bands are stupid and even though they are offered a major record label, they wish to remain indie. like the 5,6,7,8's. they are like a billion year old band thats gone through a billion lineup changes and have been offered major record labels a few times, but always stay indie cuz they are stupid and dont like earning money. and now there are so many ways to describe a band. for example. some jrock band that is coming to the jrock convention (yay) is described as... "tongue-in-cheek, visual, horror, gore band." wtf is a horror, gore, tongue-in-cheek band. eh. they should have added indie. cuz they are from the west Bay Area and. cuz i doubt anyone has heard of 'wraith assault'. yea. indie indie indie. im so indie. i love indie. cuz they dont make any money and usually are sad and emo because of that. or something like that.

one cant produce evidence that something never existed. thats a strange concept. but its so true. because all evidence proves something happened. not something not existing. so its like a bunch of random ideas will still be around forever because no one can prove it never existed. like that atlantis piece of land and loch ness monster. so i think ill propose my own nonexistent thing and have the whole world search for it forever and never realize it doesn't exist. so. my idea will be thinking of this idea. ill never think of it but i cant prove it doesn't exist. so i will always think and go crazy. it takes a genius to think of something non existent.

BeatingIt2Hard: Want to hear a great Your Mom joke?
azN xrE taRD BOI: okay
BeatingIt2Hard: Your dad.

i think my nerves like to play with my mind. i scratch someplace on my face. and i expect to feel a scratching sensation. instead i get a rubbing feeling. its like. im not scratching. but i am. so i scratch harder to try to get the feeling i think im supposed to feel. and in the end. im scratching a lot. and its damaging. the brain is evil. it is making me kill myself. one day ill be itching. and the brain will make my scratching feel useless and then ill scratch myself to death and peel all skin off and die. that would be lovely to watch.

i guess thats what happens.
--

i am as idle as the charger forum (charger-forum.com)
chiaki kuriyama is lovely.
fra-foa is inspirational.
my mind wanders high into the sky.
only to be destroyed by low pressure conditions.
my spirit is low and quite slow.
but thats okay because there is a low molarity.
if only i could compose. then i would transpose also.
i stare with despair. and rip out hair.
before i realize what has happened. im bald.
but i still need to shave.
my face, of course.
but i cant find a razor.
i guess i will have to resort to scissors.
maybe even duct tape.
sense has been lost.
check the mirrors. maybe its in there.
rain falls from high heights.
kind of redundant isn't it.
i guess thats what happens
and phi owes me money.

i had my whole break planned out. i would do all my homework the first few days and do nothing the rest of the days. but apparently, thats very hard to do. instead of working hard. i just cant read anything. cant focus on anything for a long time. i think its bad for me. its like ADD suddenly attacked me and i dont know what im doing. but oh well. sucks to be me. i know.

50% of berkeley applicants with a 4.0 gpa or over dont get accepted. life sucks. its too hard to get into a college apparently. ill just stay with community colleges for the rest of my life. i wont even need to worry about my gpa or sats anymore. it will be lovely. not really.

so we had this lovely college presentation at school today. and they talked about how some people go to community colleges and then transfer into a UC. and then that woman said that people that transfer into UCs are just better. or something like they are more successful or junk. and she says there is no difference. i think its stupid. because all it just means is that the transfers are too stupid to get into a UC on their first try. if there was no difference, then no one would apply for UCs in the first place. everyone would just fail high school. get in a plus program for credits. graduate. go to a community college, then transfer into UC. but no one does that. so there is obviously a difference.

in my opinion, parametric equations are the stupidest things ever created. whoever invented it must have loved to go in circles because its just spliting one lovely equations into two unlovely equations. and they really cant be graphed well unless they are combined again. so its stupid. and i think it should be just killed. and have all the 't' variables cremated. into diamonds.

theres a ghost in my room. its running around and annoying me! its wonderful and annoying. ghosts are funny. i cant see that ghost in my room. but i know its there! because im stubborn and i wont let you reason with me. you are always wrong. i am right and you are just silly. whatever. freedom.

happy valentines day. and in honor of this lovely day. lets all get out our graphing calculators. set your window to:

Xmin=-1.88
Xmax=1.88
Xscl=1
Ymin=-1.2
Ymax=1.7
Yscl=1.

and then!. graph the following functions:

y = abs(x) + rad(1-x^2)
y = abs(x) - rad(1-x^2)

will you marry me? we can integrate together. and differentiate each other. to be tangent and we can find the volume of messed up objects. it would be marvelous. lets have a grand time. cant wait for that good calculus.

so i went to visit my grandmother. and i was looking at all her japanese magazines, cuz she speaks japanese. so i was trying to read them using my horrible japanese. i was reading a female health and beauty magazine. and suddenly, GACKT. that japanese boy. in some female beauty magazines. and he was giving tips and helpful advice and junk. its funny. because he is like a girl. what silliness. and hes being all girly. and taking feminine pictures. it just makes me want to be just like him. and get hair straightened and crazy dyed hair like that.

i decided to set myself a goal to listen to all the music i have. usually i dont know some of the music i have because i get music faster than the time it takes to finish a few songs. so i am so happy exploring all this 'new' music i have. but now it seems like a race. so im just finishing songs prematurely so that itunes will count it. and then when im in a weird mood, i just decide to delete all the songs i haven't listened to from a particular artist. ive lost like 400 songs this way. but it makes me feel better. because once i finish all this, ill know i like every single song that i have.

bored during nothing at all. inspired by picasso, who i am learning about in art. picked up pencil and drew on the closest piece of paper. new picture... Reason?

sometimes i feel like im stuck in a little invisible box. it shouldn't really be a problem except that im kind of claustrophobic. so i go crazy and fight this little invisible box around me. and i feel very weird. and then at some times, my glasses feel like its crooked. so i keep playing with them. and they feel very crooked no matter what. so in the end, it probably became more crooked than it was. and them sometimes when theres no wind, i feel like my hair is flying away. and i try to catch it. and then it ends up becoming all weird. everything drives me insane.

i had a weird dream last night about apush. because we had some random reading quiz yesterday. apparently ms. holmes decided to give everyone some random pop test. and it was all different. and we couldn't help each other. but we had all of lunch. i was running around not knowing what to do. mine was something about the library. and i had to know random stuff and dewey decimals and junk about the library. so i didn't know it. and i was very scared. and when i turned it in after lunch. i failed. so i was like. oh well.

aim is stupid. because everytime i close it, it gets an error. its stupid. because the point was to end the program, but it just has to rebel and close itself. i guess its trying to trick itself so when i close it, it can pretend to close itself and it can seem all rebellious and grown up and fight against me. so it crashes. and dies. and then i am like wtf is with my computer. and i blame it on my power supply. because my power supply sucks. so i hate it. and blame all computer problems on it. and i dont understand this stupid calculus conics.

its strange how my garage is warmer than the rest of my house. it confuses me. because usually garages are freezing cold with evil disgusting creatures running around in the darkness. but my garage is nice and warm. while my room is freezing. but my garage is still dark. my room is illuminated with lights and computer monitor. strange. like fascist bands. bands like laibach are fascist and just march in their music videos and flash evil words like communism, dictatorship, and fascism at me. and march and march. and have drum beats like a marching army. they are strange. and funny.

i cant remember my dreams anymore. it really sucks because my dreams are sometimes interesting and worth remembering. but now i guess i haven't worked my brain anymore or i overworked it to death, so i cant remember dreams anymore. but i guess that makes it better because i can have the same dream and have the same amount of suspense and happiness. or maybe that will just remind me i had that dream before and it will be a boring sleep. sleep is boring.

look at the stars. look how they shine for you. its so shiny. it blinds me. the contrast of that white against the black sky murders my eyes. and makes them bleed to no end. the moon doesn't help either. but its all yellow. not really. the wavelengths blend together. bye bye, reality. there page cannot be displayed. the page you are looking for is currently unavailable. the web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings. adjust ur life. or bye bye, reality. but bye bye reality is a website. oh no. the website really went down. hello? bye bye.

so i was signed up for this chinese reading speech contest thing for chinese school. and so i went. well, the rules did not say that any gestures and emotion would be accounted into this reading. its just supposed to be reading and eyecontact stuff. so i went. and when i went. everyone was like. throwing their arms around and doing all this crazy emotional stuff. and i was just. reading. i guess that made me look bad. but i didn't do anything extra. but then the judges would have better impressions of the others. so their not following rules gives them an advantage. life can be so unfair.

i had a dream once that my cousins came over and we decided to go to school. so my cousin drove there. but there was a traffic jam, so we decided to take the long way around the world. and he sped across. and got to school faster. and i was going crazy and felt sick because the movement was too fast.

i was suddenly reminded of that kiss song 'because im a girl' or something like that. i dont even know why i was reminded of it. but i thought about how weird the music video was. about how some girl and boy are like omg together and they like photography, so one day the girl stupidly blinds herself with that photo chemical and so shes sent to the hospital. and then suddenly, she opens her eyes and she can see again. but the boy left her. and so she lives and cries and junk. and then suddenly she sees him one day. but HES blind. because they traded eyes. but thats stupid. because that boy lost his vision. he should have just traded one eye. so they could both see. but no. stupid boy has to lose his vision just so the girl can see AND have depth perception. its better to have two people both see without depth perception instead of one blind, one can see. or. he could have just kept his eyes. and said it was her own damn fault. my opinion.

i think there is a certain point when people start to run out of ideas and dont know what to do. so they just sit around and sleep. and dream of weird things. but forget when waking up. i had weird dreams last night. but i forgot them. the mind is a strange thing. at some points it has so much random useless ideas. and then sometimes its useless because it has no ideas. and no creativity. must be something about that right brain, left brain junk. where one side is more creative. and sometimes during the day, one side of people's brain conquers the other and then that determines the creativeness of that person for the rest of the day. or something stupid like that. but whatever. i must do school.

math is like the most inspiring class i have. and since teacher made us bring books with cover today. i had to make a new one. and. draw on it. so! new book cover!!! this 'art' is called
death by derivatives