today is a holiday. i did not know that. apparently it is ceasar chavez day. how did i find out? because i went to the library today. and was ready to do project b. and my mom drove off. and then i walk up to library and saw that the library was closed. because of ceasar chavez. and so i called my home and told my mom to come pick me up after she got home. so i just sat there. being angry at ceasar chavez. because its his fault he closed the library. i will become famous one day. and demand my holiday to be celebrated for 365 days. and then the library will never open. except on leap years. and then apush students will have problems doing their projects a's and b's. yay.

today i woke up and took a shower. then i walked over to where my computer is. and then i pressed the on button. except my computer wasn't there. and it wouldn't turn on anyways. so i sat around and did calculus. because i need my daily good calculus. and then i went to driver's training for the last time. and it was great. because driver training instructors are always late. the 1st time, he was late. 2nd time he got a flat tire. and today, there was a car accident. so its great because i can drive less. and then i drove and he made me drive on some hick road. and its just mountain roads and nothing around. so i drove and he fell asleep. i love winding roads. its so fun. and it sounds deep. because it could be symbolism. which i miss from not being in english ap. (not really). i dont even know what is happening in english. oh well.

i think my computer's death has an effect on my body. i think i'm getting sick. i cant move anymore. my joints hurt. i have no goal in life anymore. nothing. life is really meaningless now.

so i decided its my motherboard's fault. and i went to fry's to get a new motherboard. i had a asus p4p800 deluxe. and then the guy was like 'here this works'. and gave me a p5p800. apparently it was wrong chipset. and stupid. so im like cool. and still my computer is still dead. but i did salvage my project b outline and progress report stuff. and all that other junk. but its still dead. and i have to use my sisters computer. which sucks. but oh well. because i can only find my motherboard online. and its going to take forever to ship here. oh well.

there is one thing in this world that i hate a lot. and that is my computer. i was listening to my wonderful 29 minute x japan song. and i was almost done. right at the climax. when suddenly my computer shuts down. so im like. oh okay. and i turn it back on. simple enough. but it really didn't turn back on. so im like. wow. cool. and i press buttons. and nothing happens. so i think my power supply is broken. so i test an old power supply and it works. so i go out and buy a new one. and plug it in. suddenly it doesn't work. and then i try the old one and it works. and i try all of them. and they all work. but only when i plug it into my motherboard. and then everything dies. and nothing works. and now something works. my computer is haunted. the little bytes want to come out and kill me. too bad i have project b progress report saved on my computer and i cant retrieve it because my computer is down. and its on a sata harddrive. and i have no other computer in my house that can run sata harddrives. life really sucks. and to make life even more crappier, i had drivers training in the middle of this mess. i hate my computer. and i hate everything. life is nonsense. i dont want to breathe tomorrow morning.

g2g. fine. okay. bye. yea. thanks. word. oh. i see. i dislike 3 things in life. calculus homework over break. project b. and fancy websites that lag the computer and dont really add any effect. i just want to get through the site. i think the internet should have no fancy images and junk. it should just be plain text and links. which are sorted like folders on a computer. it would be great. and easy to navigate. but it wouldn't be fancy. and thats good. because then people wouldn't spend so much time at the computer on the internet. and getting fat like me. and wouldn't die when walking to another place.

im floating. because i am bored. i dont know what to do. i could do homework. but week breaks just cause super procrastination. i have to do many things. but i could do them later. i should start ap studying. but i wont. because i have a week. and thats all. and theres this one guy on ebay. with lots of japanese indie cds. well, he has fra-foa. and i am amazed. and i love him. but he doesn't love me. he only loves my money. i want all the fra-foa cds. i will collect every release. all 8 or so singles. both albums. and then ill be so happy. and ill go kill myself. but first i will need to get a copy of last quarter. platinum limited edition box version of course. of course thats sold out already. and now i have nothing to do. because its gone. and ill never find it again. because its GONE. FOREVER. WHGRLWKGHRLKGJWR. tear tear. but whatever. i have too many kill bill posters. my sister got me one yesterday because she went to great america yesterday and apparently they sold them there. i have 3. but thats not all of them. because tarantino decided to make billions of versions. i want the kill bill door poster, with all the characters and junk. and a battle royale one. but they cost too much. sad.

lan parties really suck. because after them no one gets any sleep so everyone passes out and dies. and then one person is usually left awake with nothing to do. but everyone is sleeping on the floor and that one person cant find any nice place to sleep. so he just watches the sun rise while playing warcraft 3. or to the deaths of kids killing each other from battle royale 2. there are too many sequels in this world. and too few spring breaks. but never enough ap tests. yayayayay!

one more day. and i shall be happy for 10 days or something. and then i will sink back into bored depression. and i will run around and do nothing. maybe prepare for those ap tests. because they are important. and study for more sats. because they are important. and then study for finals. because they are important. then study for next years finals. because they are important. and everything. because its all important. and then ill become a star and fly away. because we are stardust. and then i will shine and people will wish upon me. and ill piss them off by not granting them their wishes. and they will cry and i will laugh. because i will be a star. that took ap tests.

so some indian (christopher columbus was retarded type of indian) kid did some school shooting. apparently he was a nazi too. and he took 9 along with himself. its sad. because someone really hates other people so much he goes off and kills them all. and then kills himself because he hates everyone so much, i guess it affects his thoughts on himself also. but he was native american. and nazi. i think its quite strange. because he didn't have any super race stuff. black hair, brown eyes. complete opposite. but i guess hitler was like that also. i wonder if hitler really succeeded in making super race, if he would have had to kill himself. because he wasn't part of it. and he would be naturally selected out of it anyways. but it doesn't matter. because history is unchangeable.

in art class, we are counterfeiting picasso paintings and drawings. and that is all that is happening in my life. ap tests are coming up soon. and so is spring break. but whatever. none of it matters. except for ap tests. because life is ap tests. and then more tests. and the tests after tests. and then we all die with our diplomas and junk. and then we can be happy and know that we had diplomas. and my eyeball hurts. eyeball cancer? maybe. i think ill gouge it out with a rusty spoon and then no more eyeball pains. but i cant do my apush reading. and life would be bad without apush. because it owns my life. and i should spend my whole life doing apush.

just because 1988 people get to take the first new sat. now they get to make us wait for like 4 weeks. instead of the normal 2 weeks something. to get scores. so fun. only 3 more weeks. and these 3 weeks. i will be in suspense. yet i will be happy. until the scores come out. then i will start to prepare for the test in may.

i still carry my sat admission ticket in my wallet. i dont really know why. i guess its for good luck. but apparently i had the worst luck in school yesterday. because i realized i screwed up on some project and then the ap money collector person wasn't there. and then chem lab is due in one weekend. and on the same day as calc test. so im like lovely. and then my sat admission ticket didn't do anything about it. it must be bad luck. but i dont want to get rid of it. because. if i do. maybe it will have effect on my sat score. and thats all that really matters right now. so i guess i have to believe im getting all this bad luck in school and then hope it works on my sat score. but it wont. and then ill be really cynical and pessimistic and think that that sat admission ticket was just pure bad luck. i hope i dont have to sit through another 4 hours of no.2 pencil test taking fun.

life is incredibly routine. apparently, some german guy won 20.4 million euros ($27 million) in the lottery. but he still worried about work and ran to work to try not to be late. apparently he has been stuck in the routine of going to work forever. and thats all. life could get boring. but then life could get very strange. because in belgium, a man was convicted of having sex with dogs. having compassion for "man's best friend". quite disgusting. but at least its not very routine. that belgian man has broken free from the boring life. and has been nonconformist. and now hes being put on trial for it! i say. let him do what he wants. just dont tell anyone else what he does. (all this news was found on today's yahoo news)

i look up in the sky. and i see its dark. as i analyze the dark sky. nothing really happens. and suddenly. shift in the contrast and i see a star. my eyes refocus and the light shines brightly. mere your pathetique light. i stare. waiting for something to happen. i see a snowflake. not knowing where to go. it is the lost snow. the darkness still stays. but as the star gets burns, moments of darkness dissapear. and the lost snow leave. it is night. i look up at the sky. although it is bright. the sky remains the same forever.

i was visiting my favorite english website today. (sparknotes.com) and suddenly one of those ads that cover the text appears. it was a flash ad. and it was a black box. suddenly a scratchy circle appears and eyes pop out and theres some crazy girl sitting in a chair. apparently it was the ad for ring 2. and i was like. hella cool. im too scared to do english homework now. not really. but i dont think they should advertise disgusting movies on sparknotes.com. because i visit it often.

suddenly, i have become really interested in art. i dont know why. maybe its art class? and we are learning about picasso? but suddenly all this random pieces of art are so interesting. all that surrealist art is so trippy and cool. i love it all. i dont know why. people probably think im crazy. people in art class always hate the surrealist and abstract and stuff. and say that anyone could draw that. but they are so stupid. because art is originality. and that art is very original. and the artists were the first to draw it. i dislike all that realism drawing stuff. because its just. realism. nothing really special. but random lines and junk. and scribbles can make something more interesting. something extraordinary. and i dont know what to say.

i woke up from sleep. went to school. came home. did some homework. then suddenly i woke up again. and i went to piano. and came back and ate dinner. apparently i just fell asleep doing homework. but i have no reason to fall asleep. im not very tired. oh well. sats suck. because they screwed my life over. and now im a super pessimist and hate everything in the world. i hate school. i hate classes. and i hate choosing classes soon. and hate confusing requirements and junk. i will sign up for every class in the school. that i haven't taken. i will conquer the school.

so apparently japanese people like vampire movies also. because yesterday night i watched this "moon child". which stars a bunch of girly boy jrock guys. and they just run around and bite people. apparently japanese vampires cant see sunshine or they start smoking and burning. and dying. so theres some vampire and he makes a friend and the friend isn't a vampire. and they have a group of friends. and they all go their ways. and they eventually all kill each other. even though they were good friends. its sad. but its funny. because it looks like japanese girls running around killing each other. and one of the friends is from battle royale. and so its like a battle royale. with vampires.

if you want to see some crazy love movie, watch kagen no tsuki. its about some girl named 'mizuki' who breaks up with her boyfriend on her birthday. and then goes off and sees some guy named 'adam'. and mizuki lives with adam for a week. but adam has to leave one day. and asks mizuki to come with him. and so mizuki is crossing the street. and then her ex-boyfriend is like "MIZUKI!" and so mizuki turns around. right when some super truck is coming. and adam is on the other side of the street. its quite sad. and so mizuki is stuck in some house (in real life shes in some coma. so i guess its her spirit.) so many years later. some schoolgirl and some schoolboy are like "oh my. im going to help you out of this house." (only the schoolgirl can see mizuki because she was hit by a car on the same day. meh. coincidences) so they help her and mizuki's ex boyfriend joins in and everything goes crazy. and eventually shes back and theres a sad love ending. so why did i drag through this 2 hour long movie with sad love stories that i dont really care about? because it had a great ending. and the special effects are crazy. and music was great. theme was by hyde. some jrock guy and he acted adam. what other reasons could there be? hm.. chiaki kuriyama?

BeatingIt2Hard: SAT is weird =/
BeatingIt2Hard: I thought I was doing the wrong section.
BeatingIt2Hard: Because I was on a writing part.
BeatingIt2Hard: And the girl next to me was using her calculator.

apush midterm was great fun because everyone was coughing and dying and sneezing and making loud sounds. it was quite annoying. i think everyone should get their own soundproof cubicle walls. it would be great. if tomorrows sat is like that. im going to blow my head off. because im going to go crazy. 4 hours. yayayayayay. cant wait.

the pressure is on. my future is in my hands. the results of tomorrow and saturday. will determine the rest of my life. apush midterm. and sat. my whole life will be determined by that stupid 4 digit number. or 3 digit number. if i do horribly bad. which i hope to do the opposite. because my future needs to be cool. need to memorize a dictionary. and grammar rules. and every essay type along with progressive era and populists and presidential elections. supersaturation shall be useful. it is quite good. until there is one too much. then it all falls out. school is addictive. it mollifies me. it is kind and gentle to me. during breaks.

aristotle said that the most valued things are useless. but value is based on opinion. some people value money. some art. some music. some other stuff. so all that physical stuff is useless. but then some people value ideas, which are now useless. and some people afraid of death value life. apparently life is useless. but weird people that worship death value death. so death is useless also. everything is useless. according to aristotle. what a useless man. if everything is useless, i guess its all useful then. i value calculus and apush. with a passion.

competition sucks. i had a dream that i got a 2400 on the upcoming sat. in my dream, everyone had to run up a mount everest-like mountain to get their scores. and so i ran and ran. and dug and dug. throughout all the freezing snow. biting at my face. so i find my score. and open it up. and first 3 digit number i see is an 800. good. i move on. next score i see is 700. i am still quite satisfied. then. 900. im so shocked i wake up freezing to death because my blanket has dissapeared. i wish.

sat days should be renamed to sadurday. because its such a sad day. or saturday should just be rearranged to be ur-SAT-day. it would be cool. life sucks because of sat. but apparently, this week has already started off WONDERFULLY. first. i find dir en grey's new album, which is going to be released in 2 days, and have it now. so its so lovely. and also, i find a beautiful torrent for last quarter. some movie that i have been waiting for forever. and just came out about a week ago. and if it didn't come out on torrent in a few more days i would have gone out and paid 30$ for the dvd. or 100$ for the platinum dvd box. and i dont even know why i like this movie. i guess its just chiaki kuriyama. but life gets really horrible again. thinking of this sat. oh those sats.

chain reactions are strange. because about 2.5 years ago, i went and saw triple x. that stupid movie with vin diesel. but that had some rammstein concert in it and thats when i went on my german music craze. discovering the few good german bands in existence. this psychotic german obsession spread to some. and then one day. last year, spring break (i think). we went to watch kill bill 2. and i was like oh my. such a funny movie. so then last summer with my cousin we went on a kill bill frenzy and watched both kill bills. and i was like. omg gogo yubari. and then i was suddenly obsessed with this chiaki kuriyama actor. because of her, i watched battle royale and got extremely into the idea of kids killing each other. so i watched battle royale 2 to calm that thirst. and then i was like i must have more chiaki kuriyama because shes not in br2. so i see shes making a new movie called 'kagen no tsuki (last quarter)' and so i start reading the manga. its okay i guess. and i just downloaded the making of that movie and watched parts of it without any subtitles because im such a weird person. and then while reading one of the fansites of her, made by someone more obssessed than i am, i find out shes a l'arc~en~ciel fan. which causes me to dig up that old band i once listened to in 7th grade. that lovely japanese band and get into that japanese music lust. and im at that point right now. so i guess this huge reaction is all fault of vin diesel because hes such a buff man. and thats about it. or its just a butterfly effect thing that i think everything is connected to each other. and in reality everything happens because it just happens.

i wish i could play all my favorite musics all at once. and then create such a cacophony that only i would enjoy. and i could be able to save time and listen to everything at once. i wish my brain could be able to separate all those different songs from each other if i played them all at once. then life would be great. ill invent the machine to do that. and then everyone could have their own mess of music. and then only that one person could appreciate it. it would be like dna. each person has their own mess of music. if only it could be done. then i would be able to listen to a bunch of songs at once instead of listening a whole song through. especially saves time on those 30 minute experimental music songs i have. they are just so lovely.

i shall plan my future

1. get out of high school.
2. go to college.
3. get out of college.

and then it gets complicated because i can split off into two different directions.

4a. go to higher school. 4b. get job
5a. get out of that school 5b. work and conquer the job

6. retire
7. die.

i guess after 5a i would start from 4b. so taking the a route would make my life longer. i guess getting jobs earlier can lead to a shorter life.

it sucks being in normal english because everyone else is in ap english. and then if i dont pay attention. i miss out on what to do. because i know like no one. so i cant ask what the homework is. so now i am hopelessly lost in english. i dont know what is happening. must find out! or just fail normal english while others fail ap english. and i'm the one that gets laughed at. but in reality, normal english is harder, because its harder to concentrate and no one can tell you homework. the colleges should commend me for taking that challenge.

document based questions are stupid. and same with silly guys that try to publicize their new album by releasing a sex tape. ha. silly fred durst. yea. silly boy. just like the sat. next sat. its so confusing. because when i say sat. i could refer to the test. or the day of the week. or the past tense of sit. i sat on sat for the sat. yay to 2400 point score junk. i shall get 1/2 of that. and get accepted to all the community colleges throughout the nation. and id be an overachiever because sats aren't required. like i am an overachiever in community service. FOURTY-ONE HOURS. thats like. 1 hour over the required. i should get an award. the president should come shake my hand and give me a huge prize award for benefitting the community. i dont even know how i got so much community service. but whatever.