they should build an air conditioner around the world. and a huge bag around the world to keep all coldness in. block out the sun for a few days. and freeze up the oceans. i hate this weather. i am scared for psych. i have an A. but its graded on the curve. the real curve. so i hope it doesn't kill me into a B. that would be just completely horrible. but today my english teacher said grades mean nothing. apparently he flunked out of college twice and failed classes, but he still got his phd. too bad he probably wasted a bunch of money and time. so i think grades do matter. and thats why i am scared. i dislike curves. and i am fanning myself. with a fan. just kidding. because i cant fan myself while typing. i am listening to a song called 'anti pop' by gazette. japanese bands dont seem to like pop. like miyavi's 'pop is dead'. or something. but most japanese bands are really poppy. those hypocrites.

i am like a pressure cooker. but not any ordinary one. i am an agoraphobic one. junk food is a depressant. like heroin. sports are stimulants. like cocaine. shopping is mind-altering. like marijuana. everything we do is associated with drugs. according to psychology. i dislike psychology. it is stupid. i type mostly with my left hand. and my pointer fingers. my left hand usually gets everything left of and including y,h, and b. under the asdfjkl; thing i usually use only my pointer fingers. because i suck at typing. yea. something like that.

according to my uncle, who is a psychology major, psychology is easy. just bs a bunch of stuff and make it sound intellectual and its psychology. im hoping it works on this psychology project. analyzing stereotypes and hate and rocks from schindler's list.

the pessimist sees a barren desert. the optimist sees a really, really, really low tide. i dont care. they are both dead. the pessimist wont do anything because hes hateful. and the optimist just thinks everything is going to be fine. so they both wait there and die. in the desert. which the pessimist sees clearly. the optimist is blinded by his own optimism, i think. apparently, between optimism and pessimism is 'defensive pessimism', which is optimism hoping to avoid bad luck. but why wont they just name it something-else-ism? because theres too many -isms. communism. fascism. buddhism. capitalism. racism. and so they named it defensive pessimism so there will be more chance to say the word pessimism. because the world is so pessimistic.

flawed perfexion: shrimp

i am a shrimp. and so are other asian boys. thats why they all pay money to go to gym and they try to get buff. and i dont bother. because asian boys are all destined to be shrimps. and that is why i don't work out.

thank you, christina, for making my blog more interesting

ive been having bad dreams about academic failure. like failing apush test. oh no. especially in the time of summer. when all should be fine. and i am lost. i dont know what to type. i think it is time to stop. i dont know any famous celebrity with the same birthday as me. chiaki kuriyama (gogo from kill bill) is on oct 10. and takeshi kaneshiro (guy from house of flying daggers) is on oct 11. all so close. but never on my birthday. i must find someone. after searching on wikipedia. because they have every date. i realize. the iron chef host has the same birthday as me. and thats all i know. which is pretty cool i guess. and now my itunes playlist has selected some cool song called "mail me." its in the suicide club soundtrack. its a bunch of girls singing 'mail me. before i kill myself' or something. i love japanese people. they are so funny. oh yes. apparently hugh jackman was also born on the same day as me. wolverine and iron chef. apparently hugh jackman is a singer also. but none of his music is listed. wikipedia lies. or something. but its all not supposed to be true anyways.

by the end of summer i will be blind. nonstop sitting in front of computer. and swimming almost everyday. lacking goggles. because mine broke. and i am saddened. but i still must swim to keep my body somewhat okay. so i dont just suddenly have a heartattack while i go blind sitting in front of my computer. whatever. i was watching a japanese drama yesterday. i thought japanese people only made crazy stuff like battle royale, ichi the killer, suicide club, casshern, etc. but apparently they make sad love stories also. but thats only one of the dramas. i was reading what other dramas are about and theres one about a school teacher that is supposed to be the next leader of the yakuza or something. so apparently that love drama is just a very special one. because all the other japanese stuff are insanely crazy. but that is redundant.

so i watched batman yesterday night. i realized how much i hate movies. apparently i have a short-attention span, so i cannot sit still for 2+ hours. augh. anyways. the trailers were fun because all the new movies suck. all the same ideas. no more original ideas. and whats with all the comic book remakes. spiderman, catwoman, punisher, batman, sin city (i guess), etc. anyways. the movie sucked because there was a problem with poverty and after fighting zombies and everything nothing really changed. he got rid of a few bad guys. but everyone was still under the influence of those panic drugs and the poverty problem wasn't solved. so. it was all useless. the only thing i learned from this movie was to never take drugs. ever. especially those hallucination-inducing ones. or ill go crazy and be afraid of guys with potato sacks on their heads.

today i went swimming. my eyeballs hurt. chlorine sucks. psychology says laughter is hazardous to your illness. what silliness. i am listening to tatu with rammstein. annoying russian girls with angry german boys. my observation in english class: there is japanese girl who plays with her hair all day. she does a pony tail. but pulls it back and twists it around and makes it all weird. its amusing to watch. self-conscious people are funny to watch. twitch twitch. remake hair. turn head. oh no. hair is ruined. remake hair. she also wears a legwarmer on her arm. its like she got confused between her arm and leg. and she walked in with a skateboard. which is completely strange. because i cannot really visualize a small short japanese girl skateboarding. especially if she is so obsessed with her image. unless she can multitask and skateboard while constantly changing her hair and junk. and that is my post.

i realized why i screwed up in us history midterms. I HAVE MID-TERM MEMORY LOSS. LOLOLOL. stoners are funny. as are extremely liberal, ihateeverythingaboutreligion teachers. its annoying taking a break from class at a community college. walk outside and smoke smoke smoke! everywhere. i take a breath. and its like inhaling one pack of cigarettes. i think fobs are funny. because they are everywhere at community colleges. and they talk amongst themselves in their foreign language thinking i dont understand. but when its chinese. i can eavesdrop. im so cool. some white girls are really funny too. when they answer questions they dont know the answer to. like what the definition of anecdote or mooring. and other silly stuff. i love community college. i think ill stay there forever. its free (for high school students) and its also free cigarette smoke. and i can learn all these different languages. if i stay there long enough, ill be proficient in spanish, chinese, vietnamese, japanese, and maybe english. if the english 1a teacher is good.

according to psychology book: "authetic smiles last only two seconds; false smiles may last ten seconds or more." hm. which means this world is so bitter because no one can smile over two seconds. but could a person smile after a smile? to make it longer than two seconds? maybe the 'false' smile was really 5 authentic smiles. or something. i was looking at the side pictures in the textbook. and it showed this monkey. he looked happy, but the caption said "the unmistakable face of anger." i must be insensitive or something.

f a t s h e e p1: wat if concentration camps were reversed
f a t s h e e p1: wouldnt that be so weird
f a t s h e e p1: jews persecuting nazis

this summer has been just non-stop movie watching. today i watched over half of what women want. because it was on tv. and i thought it was stupid. does mel gibson really have to have a doctor person tell him that he can use that hearing women's thoughts to his own advantage? i think if i could hear women's thoughts that would be my first thought. it wouldn't be like 'omfg im insane'. it would be like yay. and then i would be so popular. or just really sneaky and stalk every single girl. because i have no people skills, so i wouldn't really be able to say things that make their thoughts happy.

i came, i saw, and i ran away. i think. today i chainsawed two trees down in my yard. it was greay. my hands still hurt from the shakiness of the chainsaw. except i really didn't chainsaw 2 trees down. only 1 and a 1/2. the 1/2 is a tree that is small. so i don't know how to count it. i cleaned out my room of all that useless computer parts. i took all the chips and kept them and threw away the case. i think ill make a wonderful sculpture with cpus and soundcards and voodoo3 graphics cards. or something. i must find things to do.

you know, i kind of expected people to update their blogs a lot more now that summer has began. but apparently i was very wrong. there have been no updates for like 2 days on the entire leland xanga blogring. i guess people all have lives now. and i am stuck at home. writing in my blog. i think i will go outside.

once i went grocery shopping and i realized that there were so many types of instant noodles stuff. i think when i grow up, ill buy every type and try them all out. i will be a noodle freak and memorize how every noodle is made and how much msg is in each and all the different statistics and junk. too bad i need a brain to memorize all that stuff. and i dont have a brain anymore. because summer has begun. and decay comes with that also.

i was thinking back upon the recently ended school year. and realized it was easier than sophomore year. strangely. and this was also a year where i learned a lot of things. english not being one of them. i learned that leland wasn't that great of a school that i thought it could have been. apparently everyone is a stoner at school. and sell drugs and get in gang fights and junk. which i didn't experience last year because i took accelerated classes. which did nothing to my college stuff. all it did was keep everyone naive and stupid. and slaughtered my grades. thats all.

i am at albert's house. and brian wants me to update. and there are like 10 people here. with their comptuers. and they are going weird. too bad albert's huge house has crappy electricity, so the power is getting killed every hour. and then all the computers just blow up. and danny is touching me andihbv uyfv i feel uncomfearortable. i can't type when i am being touched in weird areas. like my back. it is getting hot becuase of the computer heat, and my computer video card is overheating. now, we all do not know what to do. so brian wants me to update this. becuase i hate him. i'm lost in a tangle of wires. one move and everything will crash.

one more day! and its all over. i cant wait. i have an urge to walk through the mall and then buy nothing and go home. but i dont know why. its such a strange feeling. maybe ill do that tomorrow, after school, since theres always the traditional cheesecake factory lunch. yay. oh well. school decided to take out art ap. so im stuck lacking a class next year. how sad. they might just stick me in the new digital photography class next year, which would be lame. because i dislike photography. oh well.

okay, i just watched one of the most emo movies in the world for psychology. powder. made in 1995. about an albino boy who is different. but he has special powers. and is like a miracle child or whatever. its like the green mile. except powder came first. its sad because no one likes him. and at the end he proves he's hardcore. and does what they all do. its like chemistry. at least the electrochemistry part. because hes doing all that crazy electrical stuff and playing with everyone and owning everyone by shocking them. and hes a genius too. because he reads everything. and he can even read people's minds and thoughts. what a wonderful movie.

i like psychology. it is completely random and strange. the chapter was talking about rhythms and patterns and junk. so it starts talking about sleep patterns. then suddenly talks about pms. which apparently, isn't really widespread. its only the physical changes, not emotional changes or whatever, that causes that irritability. then. it starts talking about sleep again. for a while. then its dreaming. and then it discusses all those crazy dreams. and discusses dreams from drugs. and starts talking about drugs. and every drug in the world. and its effects and junk. and then. hypnosis. and this was all under the body rhythms chapter.

i'm trying to study for apush, but my sister has a study group for japanese. they scream and laugh and yell and its all in japanese. since i am easily distracted, i listen to the japanese being said and try to understand it. the sad thing is. i dont understand any of it. and its only 1st year japanese. all my wasted time in that class. i want my eyeballs removed. and my eardrums. i was getting sick of japanese music and so i was looking around for music to listen to. i saw the junior prom music cd thing lying around my messy desk. so i started listening to it. and now i like japanese music again.

i dont like waking up. and then waking up again. because i dont know what happened in between and how i suddenly fell asleep again. because i woke up from a short nap and started studying us history. and suddenly. i woke up with my head in us history book. maybe i never took a nap. or maybe its still a dream. i dont know. its really strange. so i ponder for a while. and then i start reading the psychology book. and coincidentally its talking about sleep. and apparently sleep has some REM junk and bouncing back and forth and all this junk i dont understand. but i dont care about it much because im taking it online. but i must study for finals.

masochists love self pain. but if they dont get it, is it still pain to not get pain? maybe. therefore, masochists are weird, and dont exist. whatever. today in english, my english teacher was asking the class a question: "who, out of dickinson or whitman, used free verse and cadence?" so girl who doesn't know the answer still decides she'll answer. she says dickinson. so teacher is like "no. try again." so the girl thinks for a bit. "hmmm. this is a complete guess... melville?" this shows how smart our school really is... i don't like people that raise their hands to be cool and make up stupid crap and say the wrong answer, but bs their way around it. its even more retarded when the teacher doesn't grade based on participation.

i made too many senior friends this year. i guess thats not so good. because now they are all leaving me. and im stuck at school with other people that i do not know too well. sucks doesn't it. no it doesn't. because i can then make friends with people in my grade. and then they will all be gone when we graduate. they will all be going to their prestigious schools, while i am stuck at a low ranking school. but i dont really know how a school can be better than another. because they all teach the same thing. how can it teach better? better teachers? but then how are teachers better. and how would the whole world agree that certain schools are so good? oh well.

i am bipolar. yay for scandals. there are too many scandals this year. with that roske sex offender junk. and then now ms price from middle school stealing money and junk. yay. everyone is so happy these days. yay for leaked music. i wonder who really gets the music on the internet before it comes out. what silly people. i guess it sucks for those bands/artists under major labels. i guess thats why some bands want to be indie. and so no one will leak them. but they wont even be known to be downloaded. and then no one will even care to leak the music. and no one will care they exist. after all, there is a reason they are indie. but theres good indie bands that are indie for the sake of being indie. because they are stupid.

psychology is a crazy course. and i am depressed from sad scores and borderline grades. angry music just makes me angrier. and happy poppy music is bad also. oh well. i will keep dreaming. there is much to live for. i think. whatever. i opened this window and let it sit here for 2 hours. so the time it will post is really 2 hours earlier than i really post. because i was letting it ferment. so then the alcohol can be created. i heard that someone at senior ball drank so much alcohol he pissed in his pants. and another guy tried to sneak in vodka in a water bottle. what silly people. drinking water is fun. i like drinking juice too. but i dont like alcohol. because it has that weird feeling of cold evaporation or something like that. i dont know. whatever.

i feel too stressed out. but i shouldn't.

i wrote that about 30 minutes ago. and then i left the window open. trying to do all my stuff. and junk. then i realized i had this still open, so i decided ill finish up this post and post. usually i delete stupid posts that are like 'i am sad, pity me.' but im being a hypocrite today because i do feel very stressed out. and i shouldn't. i also feel sick. but i have too much to do. im going to kill myself.

today my english teacher got angry at my class because the class was only caring about how many points the final is and not what its on. so the teacher was like "all you guys care about is whether you get the A or not and not whether you learn anything." and so in my mind i thought, "yea. thats true. thats the point of school." because we dont learn anything in school anyways.

today was the first day i parked in straight parking lot things on the first try, without backing out and doing it again. and the cool thing is i did it twice! im on a streak. im the perfect driver. driver's high. is a l'arc-en-ciel song. but i dont know how people could get high from driving. maybe high while driving. but not high from driving. maybe. wind in face. is like rollercoaster. cocaine supposedly gives a high thats like falling down a rollercoaster. so driving fast. is a high. yay. l'arc-en-ciel is a bunch of speeding japanese guys. and then this other japanese band called psycho le cemu. they are in the news right now. because one of their band members. daishi or something. got arrested for drug possession. which is a big crime in japan apparently. just like l'arc-en-ciel's old drummer, so he was dropped from the band. oh well. i didn't like psycho le cemu much anyways. except for their awesome live shows, where they cosplay and dance around like fools. its great. and the crowd goes crazy and dances along. its a great laugh.

today sat started 1 hour late; therefore, i set a new tetris high score. this better be the last sat i ever take. i hope, i hope. but it will never come true. maybe it will. but it will for certain in november. because thats the last one i can ever take unless i drop out of high school, or not apply for college until 1 year later. but that would just be stupid. and i think i wont have any ap tests next year. because im too stupid. art ap, but theres no test for that. only portfolio submission. bleh. everything should be over, but its not. because there is still finals. and then other junk. school owns my life. because without it, i wouldn't have any other life. useless post. but it is something.

d0 Nk3X: HAHAHA
d0 Nk3X: ownage
d0 Nk3X: on westvalley online applicatoin
d0 Nk3X: it says sleect ethnicity
d0 Nk3X: and it has chinese first
d0 Nk3X: out of alphabetical order

i wish writing in this blog actually improved my writing skills. but apparently i haven't written with correct grammar or syntax and useless junk like that. usually writing in fragments to make it seem like how i talk. because i have brain problems and cant put things together in a sentence. so if i had written with correct style and junk since i started blogging way back in 9th grade, then i would be perfect in writing, i think. which would be useful for sats. but i didn't, so my writing score on my sat suffers. but it doesn't suffer as much as critical reading, because i dont use those wonderful vocabulary words. i shouldn't have taken normal english, because people dont even know what competent means, and my teacher doesn't even know how to spell it. so i screwed myself over. and never planned for the future. i wish i could start high school over. and not take bio honors. and not taken accelerated classes during sophomore year, which added nothing except b's. depression strikes now. i will never get into college.

i want this year to be over. then i can stay home and not talk to anyone for 2.5 months. and then ill forget how to write. and forget how to talk. and when i go back to school, i wont know how to do anything. and ill fail school. and no college will ever accept me. except for colleges that mail me and spam my house's physical mailbox. yesterday my mom was like 'yay abraham, more college mail.' and i look and theres harvard! yay prestigious school! upon further inspection, apparently its harvard college. not the university. i think there is a difference. oh well. how sad. i think ill go join the military. because military schools and other army things love me. oh well.

once upon a time, there was a boy. he was lonely. so he made up friends. friends that could be anything he wanted. he drew a friend elephant, a friend tiger, and a friend ant. they got along very well. then one day boy realized they were just imaginary. and he was forced to make real friends. but of course he was afraid that the 'real' friends might be imaginary too so he became a recluse. he stayed home and avoided people. he still liked his imaginary friends. because they were obedient and slave-like. he disliked everyone that opposed him. but one day his imaginary friends opposed him, so he killed them. and this made him realize even his imaginary friends hated him. so he hit himself on the head with a tennis racket and forgot everything. so he started life over.