so apparently the boy in that drama was fake. which means they stuck in the love story just for the heck of making it a girl dying and boy emo drama. UAHGHGH. it could have worked well without the love story. but they stuck it in. i guess that's why none of the direct quotes from the diary talked about the boy and why at the end of the movie it didn't say what the boy did now. bahbahbhabah. anyways. i watched 5 episodes or "ruri's island" yesterday. really wonderful. but only 5/10 episodes have been subbed. so im stuck now. i have to wait. sigh sigh.

finished this drama. one liter (well, they spell it "litre") of tears. it's interesting and i think i want to read the diary that it was based off of. but its probably not translated, so i cant understand anyways. and its 11 years of diaryness so thats pretty long. well, my problem with this drama is that the girl is some famous japanese model so its really awkward having her act as some dying person. so yea. but it was still really depressing and yea. and the insert songs were awesome. i never really liked remioromen because they were indie and the songs i heard before sucked. but their 'konayuki' song is cool. "Hey, powdered snow, if you could even stain hearts white, would it have been possible for us to split our loneliness in half?" and thats all i know that is translated. i dont really know what it means. but it seems cool. and now my life sucks because all the other dramas i plan to watch have not finished. 2 are still downloading and another isn't finished getting subbed. so yea. oh well.

sometimes i hate my brain. because its really annoying whem i'm trying to sleep. when i'm going to sleep my brain seems to like to think about everything that happened in the day. and then think of things i could have done better. and what could have happened if i did that. and its really annoying and it makes my head hurt. then i cant sleep.

after watching "sekai no chuushin de, ai wo sakebu", i promised myself i would never watch another drama about girl dying from cancer and boy being emo about it. because those stories are lame and they are painful to watch. but now i think the drama im watching is really emo like that also. except this one is based on a true story. because some girl in japan got some disease that kills her brain and nerves and shes slowly dying. so then she wrote in a diary everyday and that stuff. and then when she died, capitalists decided to make money off of it and published her diary. and it became a really big seller. so then more capitalists decided to make a drama out of her life. and thats it. so i dont know if this really counts as girl dying boy emo drama. because there is a love story (she is 15). but whatever. its sad and emo. and has a great soundtrack. like other dramas.

watched battle royale again today. great fun. cant believe its been two or three months since i last watched it. time flies too fast. i think that movie changed my life. somewhat. maybe. i even thought about writing about it for college apps. (of course, its a bad idea writing about kids killing each other. so i didn't). but yea. its a great movie. what else did i do today? hm. nothing really. i need to go shower. bye.

(17:09) [xxGacktxx] zhang ziyi
(17:09) [xxGacktxx] her songs r hella good
[peef2] she sings?
(17:09) [xxGacktxx] rofl no
(17:09) [xxGacktxx] pwnd u

the title "one liter of tears" seems to have a really emo feel to it. but doesn't matter because its a pretty highly rated drama, so im downloading it. and then i can cry a liter of tears. and drown myself in it. no one is online these days. i just sit home and watch videos. watch dir en grey live. luna sea live. music videos. and fra-foa. just rediscovered how great they were. i'm still sad that they broke up. and now mikami chisako's solo work is going downhill. but whatever. i need a copy of their first album. i am missing that album. but its going for like 50$ on japan amazon. so i dont want to buy it. but thats cool because i have their 2nd album. and its limited edition version! so it must be worth lots now. i also have rammstein's 2 latest albums in limited edition happiness. and also eisbrecher's album in limited edition. eisbrecher's limited edition is the funniest of them all because it comes with 2 blank cd-r's so i can make 2 illegal copies of their album. its prestamped to look like the real cd too. silly them.

rofl. dir en grey toured with rise against. and from my (limited) knowledge of american music. rise against is that acoustic emo band? i think. well. that must have been an interesting tour. well i guess it makes sense because you cant be emo and sit around playing acoustic guitar all day. need something else to listen to. and my fingers are feeling weird right now because i just went peeling grapefruits with my dad. its fun. ripping them apart. and im glad im blind because the glasses block the juice. or i would have become even more blind. i want dir en grey to come to america. along with rammstein. but they all hate america. but one day, they will all come and i will be happy. gackt can come along too. and i am shocked! because there is no "12gatsu no love song" from gackt this year. he's been releasing that song for like 4 years. theres chinese, korean, english and (duh) japanese versions. he knows all those languages and french. so wheres the french version!? ugh. i want a new "12gatsu no love song". hm. i hear there is another korean version. but thats download only. so that doesn't count!. i want "12gatsu no love song" cd release! ugh. but gackt is doing the music for the new final fantasy 7 game. yatta.

right now, i am watching Casshern. well. trying to. i think it is an overhyped movie. just because theres utada hikaru doing some music. and her husband directed the film or something. and its from an anime. and its sci-fi. and has all these special effects. but its all useless because it makes absolutely no sense. and its boring. ugh. its like the final fantasy movie. (both of them). its all happy from special effects. and thats all. i dont get the story. theres some thing about making humans and then it was failing. and then suddenly this random building falls through and into the water. and clones just start popping out. its crazy. and the building makes little electricity things. and thats about it.

but! its cool because that bunch of dead blue people in the water remind me of dir en grey's kasumi video. look!

casshern^

kasumi^

it must be a japanese thing. just like stabbing self. for example. theres harakiri. or seppuku. whatever. thats stabbing. and in the anime bleach, transfering power was stabbing also. and again. dir en grey. kyo likes to stab himself with a microphone. eh.

finally finished bijo ka yajuu. all 11 episodes. its wonderful. its nice because its a drama without too much of the drama. because usually dramas have love stories and thats all its about. and all those love stories just cause drama and sadness because they always get cancer and die. but this one is nice because the love story is more of the side story and each episode isn't all driven by stupid love stories. so yes. its great. and now. i am out of movies and things to watch. i only have bloody yakuza movies and old black and white samurai flicks. augh!. i should have planned more. so i could have more variety throughout. oh well.

so, my mom is at taiwan right now. so its just me, sister, and dad at home. and we're living on whatever tv dinners or heatable stuff there is. and then we realized that we have two gallons of milk that expire tomorrow. so its milk in soup and baking cakes with milk. and lots of other stuff. bah. sometimes i am lactose intolerant. so that is bad, i think. eh.

i have determined my goal this break. i will collect all the singles from good music makers. like. dir en grey. i have collected all 20 singles. l'arc-en-ciel is easy. they are too popular. the challenge will be ayumi hamasaki. with her 40+ singles or whatever. and she also has like 8 that she re-released. and so i have to get both versions. and then ill even get all the singles when she was indie. which is one single. but its hard finding it in good quality!

i think japanese people are the strangest species ever. when music makers name their songs they write it all weird. like some are in all CAPS. and some are in all lowercase. they usually have ~ and some have random ...'s after it. and when people refer to those songs in forums or whatever, they always write it the way its written on the cd. even with the engrish. like ayumi hamasaki's "Greatful Days". but i guess the prize for weirdness goes to dir en grey. actually its not "dir en grey". it is "Dir en grey". not "Dir En Grey". or "Dir en Grey". but "Dir en grey". they have weird titles that people always write out exactly the way it is written officially. like "(kanji for mushi) -mushi-". and they do that for zan. and others. and. what is "RED...[em]" ?!!!! or "byo [] shin". it is like schizophrenic writing.

a sad depressing emo story: (but i am being redundant)

about a year ago, i got soulseek. at that time i was returning to japanese music. i stopped mainly because it was hard to find. but neighbor told me that soulseek is useful for asian music. so i downloaded it. and tried to do a search. obviously, first search was for dir en grey. and wow! results everywhere. i quickly clicked on every album and downloaded. while it was downloading, i noticed a person's username: peff. it was amazing. (for those that dont know, my usual account name is peef2). it was like. fate! destiny! i felt like i had some connection with this person (which there was because we were connected on the internet). i quickly checked peff's profile to make sure i wasn't breaking any rules. (such as max 2 albums or such). i wasn't breaking any rules and i also found out that she was also a girl! (at least online).

so over the next few months, i was getting really into japanese music and she shared too much of it. she even had fra-foa! the band that i had been searching a year for! her mp3 files numbered in the ten thousands. so i downloaded much of it. she was like my source to japan. and then one day(according to her profile), her harddrive crashed and died. and she downloaded from me to get her files back. i felt so excited! she actually noticed me! and because she was getting her files back, she added me to her friend's list. which means i can skip the queue. (very awesome, because she usually had queues of like 300). i felt so happy. i was linked with the coolest person on soulseek. i could download almost everything without waiting in line. friends envied me. i laughed!. i was loving my life.

but now, more months have passed. and i noticed that she hasn't been on soulseek. what has happened to her!? where has she gone? i may never know. but i will never remove her from my friend's list. i will never lose hope. she is the soul i seek.

just kidding.
but i do miss her super fast upload speed.

someone is downloading from me at 0.2 kbps. which means like 1 day per song. and hes not just downloading 1 song. he queued a complete onitsuka chihiro album. which means a upload slot is completely filled forever. i wonder if i should ban him. but then he's probably never going to get the album unless he buys it. and then that would be sad. so i guess i should allow him to download. because that means he'll take up a slot and everyone else has to wait in line. and my bandwidth isn't getting killed by this upload. !! yay. i think.

last night was kung fu mahjong. interesting movie. quite comedy. but really, had nothing to do with kung fu. except for kill bill parody part. they all looked quite kill bill except gogo was hideous. anyways. story was about guy with good memory. so hes good at mahjong. and then he gets owned by mafia boss and gets kicked in the head a few times. so he goes crazy. and thats about it. lame story. but its funny. like other hong kong movies. i am watching too many movies.

watched zatoichi yesterday. great japanese movie about blind guy killing everyone. and it has takeshi kitano! (the teacher in battle royale). so its cool and hes doing that face twitch again. because thats his nerve problems after his auto accident. anyways. its a good story. and it has nice action scenes. i think i like japanese action scenes because they just get to the point. they dont drag on battles forever like in lord of the rings or in matrix. and its really cool because japanese people like pushing the boundaries of censorship (at least the japanese movies i watch) and theres lots of blood and splatter. but its really artsy because every splatter looks like painting. so its like an artsy blood film. eh.

whoever wrote that xanga "virus" script was a genius. it makes all those kids feel so sad because their xangas were ruined and xanga is their life. even though its so easy to fix, it shows how insecure xanga is. i think that the next script that the kid writes needs to cover up the side bar also. so then people cant log in and go to safe mode. what a brilliantly destructive script.

(19:11) [xxGacktxx] apple3.1415
(19:11) [xxGacktxx] L!L!

happiness of the katakuris. a great movie by takashi miike. this is one of miike's happier films. hes better known for ichi the killer and a bunch of yakuza blood gore movies. but this one is happy. its about a family that owns a guest house next to an unbuilt road. and since road is unbuilt, no one ever comes. until one guest. and then he kills himself. and another guest. and they die. and everyone dies. and its great because they just randomly burst into a song. i love this movie. and this bird takes a crap on grandpa's head, so grandpa throws a log at the bird and kills it. ha. and the singing about the death. "suicide?" "is this our key? i cant look" "he had a knife?! why didn't he use it?!" har! and its cool because its low budget (like most of other miike films) so all the very action scenes randomly turn into claymation.

yay. finally there is rain again. which means wet roads and slippery floors. and squeaky feet. the rain is great. because its a very good excuse to not go outside. yay.

finally finished gokusen, the japanese drama. quite good. about yakuza person trying to pretend shes not a yakuza by being a teacher. and she gets the worst class in the world. and its fun. and thats fun. next: bijo ka yajuu (beauty or beast). then after that, i might watch bleach. but danny needs to get me all the episodes first.

today. i sat around and listened to the entire dir en grey kisou album all the way through. all 1 hour, 9 minutes, and 58 seconds of it. i am so happy.

hm. its break now.

i want to fly away and go somewhere else. float away like a bubble. away from idiots.

i will never drive fast again.

hm. this year i have learned a lot about myself and what i want to do in the future. for example, because of art class i have made the decision that there is absolutely no chance i will ever like art again. before i might have appreciated some, but now i hate all art. also physics and math 73 have taught me that i need good (and interesting) teachers if i want to do engineering for my major. i wonder, are people supposed to do a major that they like? because taking a billion classes analyzing every aspect of a subject will get tedious and just create dislikeness, i think. so i think a major should be something that is not liked but has potential to be liked if analyzed. not something liked and will be disliked after anaylzing. i guess that is why college is good for me because i dont particularly like my intended major. i hate physics and math 73. so good for me! engineering is a perfect major.

life is so absurd. okay. so i currently have a goal to replace all music from my computer that is 128 kbps or lower, because that horrible quality hurts my ears. and while doing this, i come across my old korn music. and i must say, time makes things better. suddenly this almost-dead band is so cool. even some of their newer stuff that i never was into. it makes me think back to long time ago. this was the first band i was obsessed with. but before that it was random jpop. and then after korn it's still random jpop. but german music came between. and now its all foreign music. but hearing this korn is like hearing foreign music because all the music i hear is japanese or german or other random country music. and now american music is foreign. so therefore foreignness is relative. and i dont know why i keep babbling on and on.

lucid dreams are weird. i'm watching a movie about them in english class. apparently they are dreams where one knows they are dreaming and they can control everything. the way you can tell its a lucid dream is that you cant change the lighting, so light switches dont work. anyways. i think i've only had like 2 or 3 lucid dreams in my life. one where i was running and i realized it was a dream because i realized i was out of shape and i couldn't really run like that. and others i dont know. but ive had many other dreams where i could control what i do, but i didn't know they were dreams. so i guess those are 1/2lucid dreams. and thats all i thought about today. i want a lucid dream tonight.

apparently ive been working too hard in philosophy class. there is only one final exam left and i have a 88% in the class. which is obviously not good enough. i need like 90%+. so i read the syllabus and found out final exam is 20% of grade. which means i needs some pretty strong A to get 90%+. and i continue reading. and i find out that 80% is an A. which means. ive had an A this whole time! ugh! working too hard. suddenly all motivation to work hard has died. must work hard in other classes though!

honestly, ive had this window open for hours. trying to figure out something to write in this blog. i dont like leaving blog empty because it leaves people sad when they visit and see no post. just kidding. no one would care about my posting. and if they did, i don't have enough emotion to care about how much you readers care about this. so i decided i would go out and find myself some random blog entry generator. since ive used one before. back when my blog was still on blurty.com (a livejournal ripoff. but back then livejournal needed codes to get an account. so a blurty worked for a while. and then i got a livejournal code. and then they dont need livejournal codes anymore. but i dont care. i only use my livejournal to stalk livejournal friends and livejournal communities). anyways. so i searched for a random blog entry generator and i cant find it anymore. i knew i shouldn't have removed that entry generator from my favorites!. but i removed it like 2 years ago and i haven't wanted to use it until now. so i dont know. whatever. i found a random word generator. and i got potato mosquito. but ive written so much i dont need a generator.

okay. so i cant reformat my computer because my 60 gig harddrive is failing and that is why i want to reformat. and my 120 gig harddrive has all my backups and its formatted differently, so it cant install there. and my 300 gig harddrive is too large to detect without drivers. what nonsense.

so i judged for the scu speech tournament. and i must say. its kind of fun. its fun watching the huge mess that everyone has made. and its fun running and getting lost trying to find building to judge at. anyways. i did that. and it was great. i judged dramatic interp and laughed my ass off. none of them made sense because it was novice and they cut it to some confusing mess. some drama about a man falling in love with his cat. and "i held her close. and then. we. made love.... but it wasn't the love you think of as sex." is that supposed to be dramatic? and then i also judged some persuasive nonsense. and that was fun. so i love speech.

augh! this cannot be!. agony. bah. anyways. ive decided to watch one episode of "bleach". that anime. since one of the opening songs is yui's "life". and that is a great song, so it must be a great anime. and plus people are all watching it now. so why not conform? so i did. and for all this time that ive been saying anime is lame. well. its not that bad. i think its okay. 1st episode of bleach was kind of interesting. i might go download all the episodes and watch them all. afterall, i have nothing to do over winter break. so this winter break, i will watch bleach and finish "gokusen" drama (2 episodes left) and "beauty or beast" drama (9 episodes left). and. hm. watch emo movies like "nobody knows" and a bunch of akira kurosawa movies. because black and white movies are awesome. and then i'll watch downfall because it is about hitler and his emoness. so that would be nice to watch. and if winter break isn't over by then, i will watch ff7 advent children. but that is last. OH! i forgot about takashi miike. i need to watch a lot of his movies. and yea. but right now i must worry about school. because after this weekend, its going to be hell week. 2 finals. and at least one test. at least 1 project. 3 quizzes in physics. and lots of other crap. you get the picture. not really. because i didn't post a jpg.

sometimes very friendly people scare me. they are always so happy and ready to greet everyone. so they see me and say hi and i say hi. and then i dont know what to do. do friendly people just say hi for the sake of hi? or do they expect a conversation? i dont know. but whichever it is, i just say hi and that is all. what a dissapointment. (if they wanted a conversation). so i like to avoid those kind of people. that is all.

yes, i know i am judging at the scu speech tournament this saturday. i'm doing it because my parents dont have time. and i have nothing to do. so i hope i judge you and then ill give you all poor scores and you can go get yelled at! i have so much power! i think. problem is, i don't even know if i am allowed to judge, since i am still a student. but whatever. i hate everyone equally. no bias.

D0nk3X: if i roll
D0nk3X: above 6
D0nk3X: i get into ucsd
OnlineHost: D0nk3X rolled 2 6-sided dice: 1 4
D0nk3X: fuck
D0nk3X: are you fucking kidding me
D0nk3X: i hate my life
D0nk3X: if i roll above 6, that was jk
OnlineHost: D0nk3X rolled 2 6-sided dice: 5 1
D0nk3X: ROFL
D0nk3X: fuck
D0nk3X: if i roll above 6
D0nk3X: im into usc
OnlineHost: D0nk3X rolled 2 6-sided dice: 2 1
D0nk3X: ROFL FUCK
D0nk3X: if im above 6, that was jk
OnlineHost: D0nk3X rolled 2 6-sided dice: 4 1
D0nk3X: damnit
D0nk3X: if im under 6 al lwas jk
OnlineHost: D0nk3X rolled 2 6-sided dice: 6 2
D0nk3X has left the room.

korean dramas are lame. i go to yesasia.com because that is a cool website. and i see this drama called "sad love story". and its like. not a very good title because it doesn't make it stand out from the others. and thats all i want to say. i also seem to mispell because a lot. i cant move my fingers fast enough so it always comes out as becuase. but that is okay, because we dont read words letter by letter. its the word as a whole. and. also. i dont like how everyone is suddenly watching anime now. because i dont watch anime. and i am left out. oh well.

today i was "researching" my artist influence in art class. my "influence" is lewis baltz because he is a photographer and i am too lazy to do real art, so i am just using photos for my portfolio. and plus, i matched up with him after my first few photos. so its not really an influence. its more like, a similarity (that i can pretend i knew about him before i started on my concentration portfolio) and write about when i submit the porfolio. anyways. i see this site that has lots of his works. and many of them are just blank walls with some random things. some are nice looking and some are just. blank. so i say "wtf. is this art?" and my neighbor says "yes it is". and i say "wtf. its a blank wall and nothing looks good. how is this art?" and she says "you have no appreciation for art". and then i started thinking. that everything is appreciated. its so stupid. i think everyone has become to nice and "appreciates" everything just because they dont want to stir up any conflict and thats why all this crap called "modern art" comes out. with its nonsense blank canvas paintings. and that is also why all this "indie" music isn't so indie anymore. art puts me in a pissy mood. and i need to make another art piece in 10 days. ugh.

one day there was a boy that went to visit his last family member who was dying in the hospital. at the same hospital, there were some important people. they would make the public sad if they died. the doctors knew that this was his last family member so they knew he was insignificant in the world. no one would notice if he died, so the doctors tricked the boy into a room and harvested his organs and used these to save the dying famous people. and so boy died and last family member died. according to some belief in philosophy, this is a very moral thing to do because it created the most happiness. philosophy makes me laugh.

ugh. file formats are so stupid. i have this asian kung-fu generation album in .ogg. WHO USES OGG VORBIS!? stupid linux users. i can play it, but i dont like that format. because itunes doesn't work with it. and i like to keep all my music nicely organized. and i also dislike low quality music. everything 128 kbps brings pain upon my ears. i am going to try to get all my music in a higher quality. right now i have 881 songs in 128 kbps or less. i love 320 kbps music. its great. the sounds are nice and crisp and beautiful. but ipod is annoying to get into car. so i use a tape adapter thing. and tape quality = low. ugh. but its okay. because i can just turn emo becuase all emo kids love low quality tape and vinyl quality music.

today. my computer was lagging like crazy. i dont know why. it wouldn't open any windows. so i couldn't access "my computer". that is really annoying, so i installed a new fresh version of windows. but thats annoying also because i have to reinstall everything again, so halfway through installing updates, i decided im going to go back to my old version of windows. and i go back. and it has the same problem. then i decide im going to enter in safe mode. but it has same problems. so i decide ill just do that thing where settings go a few days back. and it works! (at least for this restart). i hope it works for the next billion restarts. so now i just have to remove my newly installed windows.

during all this, i also hit my keyboard because i was angry. and one of the legs broke. so now its unbalanced.

i was typing stuff for philosophy and i typed molarity instead of morality. darn chem.

chem must be a communist thing because of happenings like osmosis and diffusion. how molecules will separate until everything is equal. just like communist redistribution of wealth!

my writing in math class is different than all the other classes. i curve the bottom of my t's in math and i put a line through my z's. i also dot my i's and j's in math. there's also a lot of differences in my writing between math and other classes, but i'm too tired to think of them. math is such a strange subject.

finally. some nice rain. its all nice and wet. and the cold is great. the leaves are everywhere and so are broken branches. (and. i just won a limited edition mikami chisako cd on ebay!) but that had nothing to do with my description of the weather. but now its not raining anymore. instead its just wet and gross. kind of like meursault in "the stranger". first two sentences: "maman died today. or yesterday maybe, i don't know." stupid existentialists. just live in the present. fools. but philosophers are so sly. they look from every perspective and cover up all the faults by stating more things. like existentialists say that decisions are everything. and then an argument would be the crazy people. and existentialists would just say they choose to be crazy. so clever. like a clever sleazoid.