i was practicing my speech for public speaking. the first time i practiced, i was stuttering and not making any sense and trying to say it correctly. i repeated myself a lot and it was bad. it took 7 minutes, the lower limit. so i was scared, because if i practiced it well, then i would say it smoothly and it would be very short. i timed myself again after i knew it pretty well. 9 minutes. the upper limit. wow great.

辛い

i'm starting to see ugliness in 720p videos. its not really good. it used to be amazing and all that. especially compared to the previous 480. but now, it is like, theres blurring and stuff. i really need to get 1080p rips of videos. too bad my screen isn't large enough. i need to get a new monitor. i've been looking for one. but i dont have space to put it. oh well. i guess i have to suffer through some standard HD stuff for now.

snakes and earrings. okay movie. too bad the girl is stupid and should get out of that crazy body modification and s&m culture when she realizes her life sucks. her boyfriend gets killed, but then she goes and finds another boy. and then she finds out boy killed boyfriend. but shes like lols oh well. i dont know. she is bored. too much brutal s&m sex scenes. but i guess that was the point.

achilles and the tortoise. kitano has done an okay movie! so amazed. kantoku banzai (glory to the filmmaker) and takeshis weren't so good. so good.

so sorry. sososososorry.

22m 20d.

miss.

today some guy talked to me. he was like a drunk. he shook my hand too. it was creepy. i tried to get away. he said i was a nice boy. then asked my name. and then shook my hand. and then i pulled away and he held on. and i was like omg i'm going to die. and i ran away. the end.

this sucks. if i'm going to lose my mind, then i should have at least made some accomplishments. i haven't, so i'll just be the another loser person that lost his mind.

madness is a private language, a monologue.

why does this song attack me? its not monday. and it isn't rainy today. its weird that there is raining and rainy. according to dictionary.com, both are adjectives. but i dont know. isn't raining have a -ing, which makes it a gerund or something odd noun? whatever. rainy days and mondays always get me down.

Carpenters - Rainy Days and Mondays

Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me.

What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

so metaphorical like a simile.

earth is 4.54 billion years old.
equal 1.658235 trillion days.

united states national debt is 10.76 trillion us dollars.

so, the united states has been spending $6.48(8826) every day, since the beginning of the world.

i pay $600 each month for rent. that is about $20 per day. i live with two others, so that is $6.66(6666) for me per day.

the united states has been paying for rent at a slightly better rate since the dawn of time on the planet.

finally paid for the next two years. sigh.

time is mercilessly passing by.

forget about being the lead. you were a good supporting actor.

loss time life.

in public speaking, we learn something called "visualization" in which we imagine ourselves doing well, to conquer fears of speaking in front of others. too bad it doesn't work. i always think of myself succeeding in things. but it always turns out to be the opposite. or is the failure because it is a dream? is there a difference between dreaming and visualization? where is the distinction?

do you want to conquer the world?
no, not really.

herz aus stein:

The fire was there
but now it is out
Too many tears, too few applause
I was excessive
but I lived
When did I last
tremble from passion
Extravagant and arrogant
I ran away from myself
I don't believe it
but your face
is so hard, is so old

I wanted to win
I wanted to be big
I wanted to be rid of
my feelings
And now I'm standing here
and am alone

I have a heart of stone
a megaheart of stone
Nothing comes out
and nothing fits in either

leaf
leaves
leave
leaving
leafing

how are you?

finally we are no one.

always dreaming of things to come.

dream. invited by an elementary school friend to go play basketball. decided to go. but i am weak and have not played for a long time. ended up making a fool of myself. sigh.

is my webhost never going to take me down!?

mono's new album is amazing. blows me away.

ugh. can't remember. bad memory. bad memories.

have been forgetting my dreams these days. maybe its because i dont know if this blog will still be alive. since it is expired. and not shutdown yet. but it could. anyways. i forgot what i was going to write about. great. i really did. ugh. brain is rotting.

so my website hasn't died yet, huh. they didn't close me down yet. yay! free day!

rofl. my website expires tomorrow.

many dreams last night. only remember three. 1. got lost in some mall or airport or parking lot or something. everyone was a zombie. run run run. i didn't want to be a zombie. 2. next, went to japan. saw aya hirayama in her complete amazingness. too bad it wasn't real. 3. was working in research and screwing up, breaking nmr tubes and pipettes and stuff. too bad it is real. sigh

forgot dreams again. only remember the soundtrack was FIR's "our love". random song.