so i started reading about katy perry on wikipedia (i don't really know why. i think she was on the main page of yahoo.) somehow i linked over to christian metal, then i started reading about random christian metal bands (which are still kind of weird, in my mind.) apparently slayer's lead singer stated he is catholic. move around, got to static-x, wayne static married some porn star. went back to the metal stuff, saw slipknot. they had a christian guitarist too, but he left before they became famous. and now i'm reading about barcodes. upc barcodes are so cool. 7-bit. now i'm trying to figure out data matrix barcodes.

shiina ringo's new album is great; i was going to wait until i got home to plug in better speakers, since laptop speakers are no good, but i couldn't wait anymore, so i used my headphones, which are better than the speakers. wow, that is a long sentence. but that is how i talk, a runon.

talk talk. i wish i could. but there is no one. lonely. maybe.

so i had this really weird dream talking to this person i met at school. i haven't talked to this person for over a year. it was really random and i'm glad i woke up. anyways, i check facebook and apparently today is her birthday. weird! well, not really today in taiwan, since it's already tomorrow, but today in america. but my clocks are still set in american time. so weird weird!

being idle makes me depressed. but what can i do? absolutely nothing. only wait. why suffer?

my bmi is 19.8. that period looks weird. where is it really? does it really exist?! oh god. oh man. 19.8 is my bmi. oh no. 8!? i am severely underweight. some countries use commas 19,8. looks better, i guess. but then americans use it to split thousands. so that gets confusing. too bad chinese people split numbers into tenthousands instead of thousands. it gets so confusing.

i miss you. do you miss me? of course not, you don't even know. is this normal? what is wrong with me? why am i like this? definately unnatural. a defect.

what are you doing? push push push then pull. where does that put us? two pushes away? what am i doing? run run run. never escape.

i'm back from china. it's pretty crazy there.

i'm off to visit china! (well, the mainland. debatable whether i am in china, as i am already in taiwan.) the land of counterfeiting, poisoned toothpaste (and food), and censorship. but really, i am excited to visit. see what the potential future world power will be like. see what's all the big deal about this country.

so apparently one of the longest words in the english language (debatable) is the scientific name for titin. titin is some protein that holds stuff together in our muscles. it is the largest known protein with 34350 amino acids. so they sequenced it. then named it by stringing together all the amino acids. ending up with a word that is 189819 letters long. (what a cool number! 1's, 8's and 9's!) i think that is cheating. i will discover a longer protein! and i will get to name the longest word ever! (unless all the amino acids are valine or one with a short name.) or i will rename this titin with IUPAC standards by finding longest carbon chain and stuff. 1,1,2-3-methyl blahblahblahb. that would be crazy.

so i just read a really depressing article about a 10 year old girl named colby curtin who was sick. she really wanted to see Pixar's UP. so pixar sent it to her to watch in her room. then she died a few hours later. is it bad that i was more interested in what disease she had? apparently some vascular tumor. made her blind too. her mom narrated the action in the film.

today, it was very hot.

so today, i was scouted to be a model or something. i was with my aunt going to sogo. and we took a picture in the subway. and these people walked by and they liked to talk or whatever. they found out i was a foreigner, and they are like zomg you look like wang leehom. and they asked for my email. and they took a picture of me on their cell phones. it was very awkward. they said they would contact me or something. maybe it will be my great breakthrough! as a model in taiwan. rofl.

today, i went to NOVA, the 6 or 7 or many story building for computer stuff! i walked around. then i walked back. i went to taipei main station and went to the underground mall. bought a tizzy bac cd. came back. then i played sudoku until i passed out. i'm getting better. but i'm still slow. i'm always slow at these kinds of games.

i can't stand it anymore. so tired. ughugh. passed out. my skin is rough like an elephant's face. dry dry. but it is so humid. it doesn't make any sense.

did i say i'm in taiwan already? i'm really jetlagged. even though i didn't sleep much on the plane. and got here at night. i should have been able to sleep, but i guess my thought that i will be jetlagged made me jetlagged. anyways. the clock is wrong. on these posts. it is really 15 hours ahead. so it is 5 AM tomorrow. i'm talking to you from the future. wowow! isn't that cool.

so at the airport they are scanning people for fevers because of swine flu, h1n1. whatever. but they scan after you get off the plane at the destination. doesn't it make more sense to scan before you get in a tube with a hundred other people breathing in the same enclosed environment? i guess not. i guess countries don't care if they are spreading the disease, as long as they aren't the recievers. what a selfish view.

i'm having weird dreams of objects in the room watching me sleep. they are discussing how to divide the air that i'm breathing. it is really weird. i woke up. and i felt it was still going on. i was trying to fall back asleep, but i can't now. i got confused which was the reality. it's so weird.

so apparently in taiwan, the internet automatically changes everything to chinese. even on my own american computer. so hard to navigate!

thoughts! they don't leave me. trying to rest. reset. but memory is there. computing. deriving. running. let me be in peace. pieces. arhgh

so i watched okuribito aka departures. it was the 2009 academy award winner for foreign language film. it was really nice, with nice music and all. but one thing irritates me. main character's father ran out when main character was young, so main character doesn't like his dad. he always complains that his dad wasn't there and blahbalbahlbahb. he remembers this one time he gave his dad a rock or whatever to show his love for his dad. thats all. then when his dad died, he saw that his dad had the rock in his hand, showing he still really cared for him and all that stuff. of course, this is the dramatic climax with sad cello music and stuff. but it's annoying because if the dad really really cared so much for his son, why couldn't he have returned? he should have at least realized he made a mistake of running off and tried to make some reentry into his son's life. these types of stories seem to happen a lot, with like parents secretly watching their children in the shadows or something. why can't people just come back and fix things? say they made a mistake.

i guess it is easy to say. whatever, it is a movie.

so i was playing pokemon platinum (shutup). and i was fighting giratina. (the strong one in this version). i had it down to 1 hp and was throwing pokeballs at it. since it was strong, it deserves strong pokeballs, so i was throwing great balls and ultra balls and stuff. but it never lasted one twitch of the pokeball. always escaped! then i got mad and threw a basic pokeball. and it caught it. how sad. what a waste of my expensive pokeballs.

there is no such thing as happiness. capture and it floats away. trap it and it penetrates its walls. entropy, disorder. all it does is fall apart. how much energy is required to keep it contained? impossible. too much energy. is it even worth it? support alternative energy. solar power, wind power, water power.

so in one of the issues of time magazine, it says that 20% of adolescents will suffer from depression at one point. or something. that's a huge number! that's like.. like. 1/5 of people. lolol. i guess i can't go from a 20% with 1 significant figure to 1/5 with infinite significant figures, huh? well. that's a lot of people whether it is 15% to 24.999999%. everything is a mental disorder now. how depressing. oh god oh man. i have a. huh?

so good. everyone.

i'm a bad person.

worthless.

i have so many deja vu moments. they are random. like walking somewhere and i feel like i've been in the same circumstance. why do i get it so much though?! it's like my brain is dying. it is running out of space, and cannot hold anymore, so everything is just copying itself. and playing the same memory instead of adding new ones. ugh. i need an upgrade. a terabyte is less than $100 now, maybe i should invest in one for my brain.

swine flu is level 6 pandemic level. the end. hopefully not.

stop being a parasite. at least be commensal. or mutual. parasitism. the very best is altruism? maybe. does it really exist? misunderstood.

fantasy.

i watched IKIGAMI. finally. it was a wonderful movie, or at least very depressing. it's about a dystopian japanese society where the government made a new law to randomly kill people between the ages of 18-25 or something. the purpose is to bring "national prosperity" by making the people fear for their lives, so they can appreciate life more. the main character gets a job delivering the letter that tells the victim they have 24 hours to do whatever they want. they can't commit any crimes though. but its horribly sad because... you know.. people die.. so basically the movies follows three people that recieve the letter. it is really nice that each story has its own climax, or i guess the saddest part. so a depression. anyways, the main character begins off delivering the letters and sees these cases and they change him. originally, he just observed the cases from a distance, but in the end, he became a person of action and wanted to change the system.

and narumi riko was great in this movie! yayay. i basically watched her grow up through a bunch of movies and dramas with her.

it would be nice to be able to write a post about how wonderful life is. too bad most blog entries are complaints about life. and even if there are a few entries about how good life is, no one bothers to read it, because it is boring. see?! i am complaining!

i just have nothing to say.

so apparently do as infinity is back together. released/releasing a single sometime recently. that is lame. if they broke up they should stay broken up. i guess the economy is bad, so their new musical projects were bad so they have to come back together and milk their name, then they can ditch each other again. its just like x japan. and all that japanese stuff.

so they finally send out semi-acceptances to the pharmacy students. and now the email server is crashed because of that. sigh.

selling old stuff on craigslist. it is pretty good. some things are expensive. some things i don't know what a good price range is at all. just assign arbitrary numbers. too lazy to do real research. i guess i lose money that way. sometimes too low, don't get my potential money. sometimes too high, don't get any customers. but that is economics. and business.

sigh. i had this window opened at like 9:30 as it says in the timestamp. but then i didn't have anything to write. so it is almost 12 pm now. oh well.

i photosynthesized and produced lots of material to grow with. i grew so tall, but then a lawn mower came and cut me back down to the previous height. supposedly, trimmed grass grows at the highest rate, because sunlight is at the optimum. too bad the growth is futile, at least after a shave. but up until then, it is great. success and joy. and great depression. stock market crash. black to red. wither and die. at least it is forever.

can you tell i cannot sleep?

but why?

because i have to check facebook.

see what everyone is up to. why am i left out? lonely feelings to contemplate.

happy june. i hope this month will be better. almost half the month will be missing. will be in another country, running away from reality.

can happiness not appear?

all this spewing, it is like garbage, slime, whales breathing. waste. carbon dioxide.

at least it is removed, not like carbon monoxide. grab on and ride the heme. 120 days, before death.

trials. to test strength. multiple trials. to test consistency. find average. find standard deviation. but everything is deviating.